I will wait for you
by Crimson-Sunshine
Summary: Well?" Yuki asked, gazing down in that same hypnotizing manner that had captivated Shuichi so many times before." Songfic, two guys, rr please!
1. Alone

~ I'll wait for you ~  
  
A/N: It's late, and I don't know what else to write. My first story anyway, so criticize all you want. I might only have Vol. 2 of Gravitation, but that doesn't mean I can't let my fantasy go, now does it? Read and Review, pretty please with a cherry and whatever else you want on top.  
  
Disclaimer: Que? No Comprendo. Sure, so to avoid lawsuits, if my name isn't at the bottom, that should tell you I'm not the creator. And if I'm mentioned in the Copyright, then there is some good left in the world. For the politically correct: Me no owning 'Gravitation', nor 'Audioslave'. Go figure.  
  
And I don' t know what the rating should be, because my friends and advisories wanted more graphic stuff, but this is just the beginning if to be continued at all. Another reason for reviews. ~+~  
  
~Alone~  
  
~+~  
  
Suichi stood on the stage, all eyes set on him, full of anticipation. Hiro was behind him for support, this was to be his first song by himself.  
  
Though he could feel the crowd, he was singing for one person in particular. The one who had captured his heart, and dropped it too many times to accept. Suichi had ended it, yet here they stood in the same place, but on separate grounds.  
  
'This is it', he thought to himself. Taking a deep breath he made his final choice. If Yuki wouldn't talk to him in private, he would hear this song thanks to all of the speakers in this Stadium. Shuichi gritted his teeth, slowly finding his courage, and gave Hiro the signal to start with the rest of the group.  
  
Tapping it out mentally, one last glance at the expecting pale blue eyes under the blonde hair, staring at him with a dull shimmer of something. Regret?  
  
Too late to turn back now.  
  
Three-two-one-  
  
~ On a cobweb afternoon  
  
In a room of emptiness  
  
By a freeway I confess  
  
I was lost in the pages ~  
  
Suichi risked looking up once, holding his breath, feeling colder inside than on the outside. Yuki kept a steady gaze on him, very much hearing each of his words, his meaning. His fears of each love held dear being spoken.  
  
'Why couldn't you have just listened to me?' Suichi thought sadly, but the audience only took it for part of how he sang. In secret he still adored Yuki, wanted to hold him.  
  
~ Of a book full of death  
  
Reading how we'll die alone  
  
And if we're good we'll lay to rest  
  
Anywhere we want to go ~  
  
Yuki faltered for a moment, Suichi saw it out of the corner of his eyes. He was ready to go and tell him he was sorry, not caring if anyone else saw how he fell into hysterics. But Yuki's gaze gave him the clear warning ::Don't you dare:: Suichi just shivered and continued on. At least Suichi knew he remembered when he had seen him in the park that day.  
  
~ In your house I long to be  
  
Room by room patiently  
  
I'll wait for you there  
  
Like a stone I'll wait for you there  
  
Alone ~  
  
Suichi began shivering even more, the night wind bringing back painful memories as he continued on. But even when Yuki teased him, when he yelled at him, it was still part of something special they had shared. That night, when Yuki had changed his whole life, his being.  
  
~ On my deathbed I will pray  
  
To the gods and the angels  
  
Like a pagan to anyone  
  
Who will take me to heaven ~  
  
Something shattered in his mind. Suichi had often left traces of blood in Yuki's house, but he could never explain it to him. Out of fear of rejection, being denied, unwanted, unloved, maybe even hated. He could never have told Yuki. This was a silent plea only he could answer.  
  
~ To a place I recall  
  
I was there so long ago  
  
The sky was bruised  
  
The win was bled  
  
And there you led me on ~  
  
It had probably been a month since Suichi had last been at Yuki's house, but he didn't want to feel that loathsome gaze upon him anymore. He wanted a tenderness, a gentle touch which Yuki couldn't give. He was rough, fast, and took what he could. And though he tried to deny it, Suichi's heart knew it and couldn't continue on like that anymore. The kisses, the touches, it was too much to return to. Temptation called, and temptation is what brought the world down.  
  
~ In your house I long to be  
  
Room by room patiently  
  
I'll wait for you there  
  
Like a stone I'll wait for you there  
  
Alone ~  
  
Yuki had to rub his eyes, though not making it very obvious. But something in his gestures told Suichi he wanted him back. He wanted to hold him again, wanted to caress him and give him little affectionate touches tastes. Suichi had that guitar moment to pause, to think, to find something deep inside him. A truth they had to answer each other before their gazes separated.  
  
But exactly like that first day Suichi met him, Yuki's eyes captured him in that entrancing look that had made him forget all so many times before. That same way when it had scared him after having become his lover. It scared him once again, but awoke a hope inside him. He gave himself a mental slap, his other part of the mind notifying him he'd about missed his entrance.  
  
~ And on I read  
  
Until the day was gone  
  
And I sat in regret  
  
Of all the things I'd done ~  
  
Maybe even the song in itself had been the apology he had been looking for. He didn't want to leave Yuki, but he couldn't stay with him any longer. Yet now, their separate grounds seemed to slowly merge on a plain only they could see, excluding the rest of the world.  
  
~ For all that I've blessed  
  
For all that I've wronged  
  
In dreams until my death  
  
I will wonder on ~  
  
This would be the last thing he would ever do if it came to making a decision for himself. He couldn't let himself go on like this, knowing he needed to make the choice of going of staying. He had always been welcomed in Yuki's house, but there had also been a warning inside him. That warning died that day he had laid in pain on Yuki's mattress, still crying in pain, but with the promise in his heart.  
  
~ In your house I long to be  
  
Room by room patiently  
  
I'll wait for you there  
  
Like a stone I'll wait for you there  
  
Alone ~  
  
It ended. The song, the concert, but the crowd still clapped and cheered on, as if this would always go on. Suichi knew in himself that all things would end one day, it just depended on how soon.  
  
Yuki came up to him after the concert and Hiro had left, riding home after being reassured Suichi would be fine alone.  
  
"Well?" he asked, gazing down in that same hypnotizing manner that had captivated Suichi so many times before.  
  
He inhaled, leaning against the wall for extra support. His mind was slowly beginning to wander, his violet gaze slowly clouding over.  
  
Yuki's caress against hischeek brought him back to earth, that same touch that made him feel owned. He wasn't free anymore, like a bird with clipped wings, he sat in a cage.  
  
Suichi hung his head, tears welling in his eyes, not knowing exactly how to answer him anymore. But he remembered his decision, the choice he had made on stage. He breathed it out low, the sound almost impossible to hear.  
  
But Yuki understood, nodded, and held him fast, giving him the kiss that left Suichi scattered.  
  
~ In your house I long to be  
  
Room by room patiently  
  
I'll wait for you there  
  
Like a stone I'll wait for you there  
  
Alone  
  
~+~  
  
A/N: I had planned on letting this be a one-shot fic, but after asking some friends for suggestions and opinions, they said it should be continued. There is a reason I didn't write down the answer, and it's because you're supposed to tell me whether Suichi said 'Yes I'm coming back', or 'No, I'm leaving you'. At least ten reviews please to give me an idea of how I should write this and if I should even continue it. Thank you very much!  
  
~C.S. 


	2. Sex and Diamonds

I'll wait for you  
  
C.S.: I am seriously warped today; maybe I should add some citrus just to see how corrupted I became in the last two hours of reading lemon stories. Those things are cool, but...really extremely graphic. Yeah. I'm a music freak, so most of my fanfics that I'll write probably will be music fics I think.  
  
Oh yeah, um, yaoi, meaning Shuichi and Yuki and a little graphic. Not too much, because my mind is still a little innocent, though images go beyond words.  
  
Disclaimer: I just started writing this, what-this month? And the original manga has been out, how long again? This should tell you something about me being the owner * hint hint * I didn't create it. So it's not mine. 'Black Black Heart' is 'David Usher', who has no relation with Egghead 'Usher'. No offense towards his fans.  
  
David Usher has some cool songs, and this one I was thinking about using for the first chapter, but then it really would have been a one-shot, and I had doubts. So I'll use it in this fic.  
  
::Shuichi thoughts::  
  
//creepy voice in Shuichi's head//  
  
To: Black Dios: I attempted a 'Dark Shuichi', but probably not the type of dark you were talking about. He has voices in his head though, so that should be close, right?  
  
Woki81: . . .Well, this wasn't really supposed to be a happy fic to begin with, but I tried. I think, sorry!!  
  
Acolyte Avien: I really, really did try, but I suck at romances!!  
  
Crimson Devil (blood cousin!): Like above, I tried, but I'm not all happy endings, so you might hate me or you might just dislike me, but I tried!  
  
I tried making it to your guys' wishes, a dark Shuichi, a Shuichi and Yuki, and an option to continue this thing at all. Thank you and I'm sorry if it sucks!  
  
Oh yeah, a little bit more detailed, but I might change it sometime.  
  
~+~  
  
Chapter 2- Sex and Diamonds  
  
~+~  
  
Something ugly this way comes  
  
Through my fingers sliding inside  
  
All these blessings all these words  
  
I'm godless underneath your cover  
  
~+~  
  
Shuichi stood on the familiar front porch, the light shining dimly down upon him, enveloping him in a hazy white light. He was dressed in leather black, the material clenching to his skin and emphasizing all his curves on his small frame. His pink hair had slightly darkened, making it almost seem a purplish magenta.  
  
Yuki opened the door and stood silently looking at him, a look of lust appearing in his eyes. He imagined tearing off each scrap of the cloth with his teeth, holding him down underneath him and tracing each part of him with his long fingers.  
  
Shuichi smiled a little cautiously, wondering if it really had been a good idea to wear this new set they would be wearing for their next concert probably. "Hi," he managed, swallowing a lump in his throat. He had wanted to embrace Yuki like he had so many times before now. But he held his ground.  
  
Yuki stood still a moment longer, then grabbed him by the arm, pulled him into his house and slammed the door behind him, not once letting Shuichi go.  
  
~+~  
  
Search for pleasure Search for pain  
  
In this world now I am undying  
  
I unfurl my flag my nation helpless  
  
~+~  
  
"Yuki, I," Shuichi was doing his best to remember what he had wanted to say, his purpose for imposing on this person's life once more. "Um, I just wanted to let-"  
  
He never got to finish his sentence, Yuki having come upon him like a ravenous wolf, longing for the taste and touch of his tender lips. Caught in the kiss, Shuichi could only stumble back a little, having not truly expected this from Yuki.  
  
"Just shut up," was all he mumbled as he held Shuichi close, moving from his neck down to nuzzle his shoulder, holding on a little tighter to his wrists than what he had intended to.  
  
Shuichi let out a little yelp, but got picked up off of his feet and taken to the place he hadn't seen in so long. A time span that seemed like an eternity, yet he didn't want to truly return.  
  
Thrown onto the covers, Yuki did his best to try and be as gentle to the touch as possible, barely succeeding alone in not just stripping him of his clothes now. He licked his collarbone, gently biting his skin, leaving little marks.  
  
Shuichi was breathless underneath him, seeing little sparks with each contact of skin and teeth, not being able to deny the truth of having missed these caresses, these teases. He wanted to feel it all again.  
  
~+~  
  
Black Black Heart  
  
Why would you offer more  
  
Why would you make it easier on me  
  
To satisfy  
  
I'm on fire  
  
I'm rotting to the core  
  
I'm eating all your kings and queens  
  
All your sex and your diamonds  
  
~+~  
  
Shuichi looked up at the ceiling, wondering if Hiro would be very angry at him for having torn his outfit already, even if it wasn't his fault. Those would be problems he would have to deal with later. He gasped at the sudden contact with his most sensitive skin.  
  
Yuki smiled at hearing him, pausing only once to hear him whisper his name.  
  
"Yes?" he answered, raising his head so Shuichi could see his eyes flashing.  
  
Shuichi didn't know if he wanted him to stop or just take him again like he had so many times before. That feeling he held in his gut hoped Yuki would be gentler, but something told him it would be like before if not worse. Quick and fast; that's how he was taken the first time. Fear crept up into him once again, and somehow Yuki could feel it as well.  
  
Yuki felt Shuichi tense as he moved lower, leaving a trail of kisses on his stomach, but didn't want to stop. He kissed, caressed, embraced, and bit, causing Shuichi to twinge and moan, feeling scattered every time he had his thoughts organized.  
  
~+~  
  
As I begin to lose my grip  
  
On these realities your sending  
  
Taste your mind and taste your sex  
  
I'm naked underneath your cover  
  
~+~  
  
"Yu-Yuki," Shuichi uttered, breathing hard, "stop-please stop it."  
  
Yuki circled once, twice, added a little pressure and received a longing moan. "Stop what?" he asked innocently enough, but knew exactly what he meant. Normally he would have been worse, would have been rough and demanding. He was being tamer, taking his time, even if it was tearing him apart on the inside.  
  
::This isn't right:: Suichi thought to himself, ::Nothing about this ever was right.::  
  
//But you never did care before, now did you?// A little voice said in the back of his head. //None of that mattered, as long as Yuki accepted you.// Shuichi tried to think of where it came from, but couldn't focus long enough as Yuki added to the pressure he already had on him. He inhaled deeply, having not expected that feeling so fast. Shuichi had no more control over the way his body responded, laying on his stomach, he allowed Yuki to do as he wished.  
  
Yuki had been nuzzling the back of his neck, enjoying the feeling for the first time. He hadn't expected Shuichi to loosen up like he did, to be so submissive without much of a fight. --What's wrong with him, today?--he wondered, a little worried.  
  
Worried? Yuki had never been worried in his whole forsaken life, and he wouldn't start to just because of some little brat.  
  
He slid off and gently turned Shuichi around to look into his face. "Hey," he said a little too gruff than intended, "is something on your mind?"  
  
Shuichi stared at him, wondering if Yuki ever could truly feel anything for him besides disgust. He wondered if he could ever be more than just his little plaything.  
  
//Hell no.//  
  
That same little voice back again, probably telling the truth.  
  
~+~  
  
Covers lie and we will bend and borrow  
  
With the coming sign  
  
The tide will take the sea will rise  
  
and time will rape  
  
~+~  
  
Yuki swore under his breath when Shuichi didn't respond, not knowing what was going on with the little pinkmaned punk. All he could think of was just to lie there next to him and hold him close, which is what he did, feeling the smaller boy shiver against his touch. Continuously tracing up and down his bare back, he began to kiss his neck while holding him closer.  
  
Shuichi finally did snap and couldn't figure himself out any more.  
  
"I don't love you."  
  
Yuki didn't hear him at first and kept on stroking his back, but stopped when it registered in his mind. "What did you say?" he held him back by the shoulders, looking him directly in the eyes.  
  
Shuichi trembled even more, having not expected Yuki to react like this. He couldn't read his face at all, but only see the look that seemed to peer into his soul.  
  
"I," he began, crystal promises forming in his eyes, "I never did love you." ::I'm lying,:: he thought, shutting his eyes tightly, causing his tears to fall onto his cheeks. :: I'm lying and I can't stop. Please, Yuki, please notice my falsehood. I love you, I really do.::  
  
//Then why lie?//  
  
::Because I'm afraid::  
  
//Of what?//  
  
::Of being hurt and disappointed again.::  
  
//You lie.//  
  
~+~  
  
Black Black Heart  
  
Why would you offer more  
  
Why would you make it easier on me  
  
To satisfy  
  
I'm on fire  
  
I'm rotting to the core  
  
I'm eating all your kings and queens  
  
All your sex and your diamonds  
  
~+~  
  
Yuki still couldn't believe what he had heard. Shuichi actually told him that 'he never had loved him?'  
  
::How do I lie?::  
  
//Because that wasn't what you where afraid of.//  
  
::Then if you know so well, what am I afraid of.::  
  
An image appeared in Shuichi's head, a little boy with pink hair, holding a teddy bear for comfort. He seemed like a toddler. And he was bleeding.  
  
::What's wrong with you?::  
  
The little boy looked at him and smiled. Shuichi nearly screamed out loud if he hadn't opened his eyes to see Yuki's golden ones staring at him in disbelief. That little boy is him! Him!  
  
//You were afraid of ending up alone.//  
  
::What?::  
  
//You were afraid of ending up alone, and were prepared to reach out to anything that seemed like a holding point. Even if-//  
  
The little boy looked at him sadly.  
  
//Even if it meant shattering your inner child.//  
  
And Shuichi understood he actually never did love Yuki. He had only needed him, used him as a rope to hold on to when falling off a cliff. And now that he was on safe land again,  
  
::I let him drop.::  
  
Shuichi moved out of Yuki's grip, grabbed his clothes and quickly dressed on his way out. But Yuki being Yuki, he refused to let it end like this. Pulling on his robe, he chased after Shuichi.  
  
Before Shuichi could flee out into the comforting cold of the evening, Yuki grabbed his arm and pushed him against the locked door, wanting an honest answer before thinking further ahead.  
  
"One thing only," he said through gritted teeth, holding Shuichi's trembling face so he was forced to look at him. His eyes wereÄ red, his neck was marked more than once, and his lips were slightly puffed. But what truly held his attention were Shuichi's eyes. Once bright, glimmering, and truly innocent, now they were deep hollow sockets, holding an emptiness and something far beyond healing. He had truly misused him for his own entertainment. "You won't ever come back, right?"  
  
Shuichi hadn't been hit with that realization until now, and didn't want to think about it afterwards until much later. But he nodded, unable to avert his eyes.  
  
Yuki actually began to smile, out of relief, out of pain, out of the feeling of truly having lost something precious, he didn't know. He just knew one thing. "This time, when you leave for good, I hope you find true happiness."  
  
Shuichi had no idea where this kind Yuki came from and was almost tempted to go back to his warm embrace.  
  
"Don't you dare go back!" Yuki's eyes flashed an angry shimmer, causing Shuichi to slightly flinch back, though Yuki still had a strong grip on him. Relaxing a bit, he pulled Shuichi's face close, gave him the most tender kiss he had ever experienced and let him go. "Here, the door's open," he said, moving to the side, though feeling the cold a little under the cold material.  
  
Shuichi stood still, trembling all over and not knowing what to think. He had a whirl of emotions within him, not able to understand any of them, but he did look back, only once to see the Yuki he would never have met.  
  
Walking out onto the street, his shirt being ripped at the shoulder, but pulling his jacket around him hid the proof of his clothes having been mishandled.  
  
Yuki called out to him, once. "I don't want you to ever come back," he said clearly, leaning against the doorframe, "but I'll wait for you. Alone, in each room I will wait."  
  
Shuichi definitely hadn't expected that, but what else could he do? He promised him.  
  
"I won't," he somehow managed to smile, tears falling down his cheek again. "You won't ever see me again. But in your house I long to be." And without looking back, he walked out into his new life, his new destiny, his Bad Luck.  
  
~+~  
  
I'm eating all your kings and queens  
  
All your sex and your diamonds  
  
~+~  
  
A/N: Hate me, kill me, this is my first fic, and I tried combining the ideas of Shuichi and Yuki staying forever and then Shuichi just snapping and never coming back. Remember, the first time isn't the charm, but if at first you do succeed, act like it was intentional. Now is your choice, continue or let this be the end? And rating is still thinking about being changed, what say you? 


	3. Missing you

I'll wait for you  
  
A/N: Not exactly following the way the original story is, this is my own little warped thing as some of you have noticed. I continue it onward, wondering how in the world I'm going to pass Geometry with a B. If anyone has suggestions to THAT, then I am eternally grateful.  
  
Disclaimer: I'm butchering "Everything but the Girl's" song "Missing" this time. And I still have no copyright ownership over them. Unless someone wants to give it to me for my birthday, which is in two months (August 6th) YAY!  
  
Oh, and take note of this being five years AFTER the previous chapter.  
  
Chapter 3-Welcome Home  
  
Step off the train  
  
Walking down your street again  
  
Past your door  
  
But you don't live there anymore  
  
Finally Friday, and finally home. Shuichi had just finished his tour through England, having not understood how they could live in such a rainy climate. It felt good to be back home in Japan.  
  
"Well," he said to Hiro, who had just parted company with Sakano, crazy as ever, yet for once not threatening anyone, "looks like we're finally back home."  
  
Hiro looked up into the sun, acting like he heard nothing of what Shuichi had just said. "Hmm?"  
  
Shuichi frowned at him, then poked him in the sides, causing Hiro to double over with the tingling flowing through him now.  
  
"Hey! That was cheap!" His supposed glare only made Shuichi laugh even more.  
  
"I have to go now," he said, backing away from the slowly recovering Hiro who just looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I have to do some catching up, you know. See how mom's doing and stuff, maybe even drop by Maiko's." He had wanted to include the little stop he was going to make by his former lover's house.  
Hiro studied his momentary detached expression, then waving away his worry. "Just be sure to be at the studio on Tuesday, alright?" Hiro waved at Shuichi's retreating back as he crossed the airport and hopped into a taxi. ::Heh:: he thought in amusement, walking past security guards and hyped up fans.  
  
Shuichi had taken off as soon as Hiro had given his consent to allow Shuichi to go without the tedious security around. ::Please be there:: he prayed silently as the taxi driver swerved around cars and turned up a number of different roads. ::Please be home and glare at me, saying 'You're late for dinner'::  
  
The taxi stopped in an abrupt halt, causing Shuichi to slam forward into the back of the front seat. "Sorry 'bout that", the taxi driver said through his hairy beard.  
  
"That's okay," Shuichi muttered, leaning back and rubbing his forehead from where he had slammed it. "Are you leaving again?" Shuichi dug into his pocket and pulled out 2,000 yen.  
  
"Can't hang around in one place forever," he joked, accepting the money and watching him close the door.  
  
"Thanks anyway," Shuichi said, standing in front of the house and watching the taxi retreat down the hill it had come from.  
  
He sighed, his back still turned to the white house that lay beyond. ::It's been so long:: Shuichi thought, finally deciding to face what he had missed.  
  
It's years since you've been there  
  
Now you've disappeared somewhere  
  
Like outer space  
  
You found some better place, And I miss you  
  
Shuichi slowly walked up the all-too familiar steps, taking it tread by tread. If he turned away now, he knew he would never be able to face this door again. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the doorbell, waiting for the reply, the familiar critical voice.  
  
No voice came.  
  
Shuichi buzzed again, no reply, tried one last time, again no response, then dared to repeatedly push the button in until someone came out.  
  
"Yuki", he whispered, leaning his head against the door, wondering where he could have gone. He slowly moved back to the entrance, guessing he'd have to call Al to come pick him up. The door creaked open and out poked a shy little head. It was a girl.  
  
"Who are you?" she whispered in a tiny voice that sounded like a chime.  
  
Shuichi stared at her. She was pale, and had dark hair. But her eyes were a magnificent blue. He didn't want to believe. "No," he whispered.  
  
She moved out a little more so he could see her whole now. She was small, no older than four, probably, and very pale, ghostly even, wearing a white dress that made her seem transparent. "Daddy isn't home right now," she said in her faint voice.  
  
"Do you know where he is?" Shuichi swallowed repeatedly, refusing to burst into tears in front of her. He didn't want to believe the possibility, the feeling of betrayal. He wouldn't believe it.  
  
She looked at him a little longer, her blue eyes fixed intently upon him, then began to cry.  
  
"I'm sorry!" Shuichi rushed to her and knelt down in front of her, gently patting her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry!"  
  
She sobbed some more, her whole body trembling in the process. "Daddy leave me all alone! All alone and alone again!" She leaned into Shuichi's embrace, her sobs slowly dying down. "Yuika isn't bad, but still all alone."  
  
Shuichi held her close, feeling her warm tears fall onto his shirt. He could picture Yuki leaving him without saying good-bye, but his daughter? She is so pure and innocent, not knowing right from wrong, and Shuichi could see she did her best not to anger him. "It's okay now, Yuika," Shuichi said, thinking her name matched her perfectly. "I'll stay with you until Daddy comes home. It's okay now."  
  
Could you be dead?  
  
You always were two steps ahead  
  
Of everyone  
  
We'd walk behind while you would run  
  
Yuki thanked the grocery store manager and slowly made his way across the parking lot. As he looked up into the sky he swore that he heard Shuichi call out his name.  
  
::That's absurd:: he thought, shaking that out of his head. ::Shuichi is on his way to become the best rocker in the world, now:: Yuki sighed in slight regret of having let him go. Not even a week had passed after he left and Yuki could feel the loneliness consume him again. But Shuichi hadn't even written to him in all these years past. If it weren't for the continuous media stalking his every move, Yuki would have been convinced something terrible had happened to him, and not once did he say anything nice to him. But his last letter was for him to meet Shuichi in the park to say good-bye before he started his tour, but Yuki hadn't gone. Well, he'd made it too late.  
  
"Crap!" He walked on, his bag swinging in step with his long strides, wondering if Yuika had woken up already. A year after Shuichi had left, and Yuki's sister dumps her kid with him. Not that she didn't love her, but she was missing the money to support and father surely wouldn't help out there. Starting up the car, he thought of how odd it had been raising her. It made him feel needed, wanted, loved for what he could be, for what he had been, not for what he was. Rich, good-looking, famous, she only saw him.  
  
::Just like Shuichi:: he mused, watching the lights turn from red to green, to red again.  
  
Shuichi sat on the couch with Yuika, playing rock-paper-scissors. Five out of nine chose the show they were going to watch. Doraemon, or Crayon Shin-Chan.  
  
"Scissors cuts paper!" Yuika exclaimed, her eyes shining with joy. She was happy.  
  
"Man, I'm about to lose," Shuichi supposedly pouted, having fun just watching her bounce around. She seemed so much alive now, not like before where she compared to a forgotten child.  
  
"Three to three," she counted out, though holding up four fingers instead.  
  
"Three to three," Shuichi agreed, patting her head and grinning just as wide as she.  
  
Yuika sat there giggling, enjoying the sense of victory being near. "Ready?" she asked, watching Shuichi sit and ponder, tilting his head from one side to the other, his arms crossed.  
  
"Give me a couple more minutes," he answered, now leaning back once to look at the ceiling, then down to be fascinated by the carpet. The same carpet from five years ago. "Ready!" he said, sitting up as soon as she'd tapped him.  
  
"Rock-paper-scissors-shoot!" Yuika's rock against Shuichi's paper.  
  
"Ha! Now it's three to four," he said, laughing a little victory laugh.  
  
She was fibbing her anger, he could tell, but after tickling her into complete senselessness, she gave up, her eyes watering with all the laughter.  
  
"Do you talk to the wind?" she asked after she'd caught her breath again.  
  
Shuichi shook his head at her, not understanding what she meant. "No, I don't think so."  
  
She looked at him, her eyes flashing with something else, discovery maybe? "Come follow," she said, tugging his arm off the couch. "Come follow, come follow."  
  
I look up at your house  
  
Where I can almost hear you shout  
  
Down to me  
  
Where I always used to be, And I miss you  
  
Yuika led him to the balcony of their bedroom, where Shuichi got choked up somewhat, his eyes threatening to brim over again. Only the iron will he'd slowly developed over the years kept them in.  
  
Standing on the balcony she climbed onto a chair to get a better view of the neighborhood in the radiant sunlight. "Don't fall off", Shuichi warned, swallowing once and moving outside to stand next to her. She was truly adorable.  
  
"Call out!" she said, her dark hair shimmering in the sun. "Call you him!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Call out him!" she commanded, taking in a deep breath to demonstrate.  
  
"EIRIIIII!" It rang for a moment into the space in front of them, echoing to bring back a faint answer from the distance somewhere. "It makes you forget," she said, turning her head in that shy manner at the front door. "It makes you feel happy again."  
  
Shuichi looked at her, looked out at the scenery, at what he had once pictured Yuki's and his kingdom, a place they had ruled together. ::In my dreams:: he thought, grimacing without knowing it.  
  
"Shu-kun?" Yuika asked, leaning over on the chair's edge, making it shake slightly with the sudden imbalance. "Shu-kun?"  
  
"It's nothing", he smiled, getting rid of previous memories. "All right! On the count of three, we call 'Yuki'!"  
  
"Yay!" she clapped her hands in giddy delight.  
  
"One-two-three!" he counted.  
  
"YUKIIII!" they shouted, their joined calling making it seem more than just random shouting, it made it something magical, a summon.  
  
Both of them inhaled deeply, preparing for another shout-out. "Ready?"  
  
"Hai," she said, grinning at him.  
  
"YUKIIII!"  
  
"EIRIIII!"  
  
Their combined yelling made something stir in the wind, a little urge of need, of longing as well as of love. And this time, the echo would have an answer of it's own.  
  
Yuki had to stop at a tank-station to refill before driving the rest of the way, even if he did live five more minutes away.  
  
Walking back out of the station and into his car, he heard his name. Once, twice, third time's the charm. "Huh?" He spun around, looking for anyone who might know him, have recognized him. But there was no one, only the warmth and a slight breeze. ::Am I losing it?:: he asked himself, shaking his head in disgust.  
  
"Yuki", his name was whispered, said, called out from far away.  
  
But there wasn't anyone here, and the voice that it came from was definitely not around. He ignored it and drove back home, his window down to feel the rushing of cool air, and to let the cigarette smoke escape.  
  
"Yuki, Yuki, Eiri Yuki."  
  
::Is it me, or is it getting louder?:: The closer he got to home, the more positive he was the whisper on the wind was increasing to a call from right in front of him. And coming in view of his house, it was. Two people on the balcony, both slim-framed, one his niece, young and quiet, the other . . .  
  
"Shuichi!" Yuki said under his breath, the pink hair recognizable from any distance, though a shade darker than before. "Shuichi!" He slammed the car door shut, leaving the groceries behind for later. This was important to him now.  
  
Back on the train  
  
I ask why did I come again  
  
Can I confess  
  
I've been hanging 'round your old address  
  
Shuichi was ready to take out another call, feeling lighter than what he had in a long time. His name being called stopped him from saying another word. The blond rushing towards his house, unlocking the door downstairs, Yuika taking on a slightly panicked look.  
  
Yuika began whimpering slightly, having not noticed Yuki coming home, either. "Don't worry," Shuichi said, he himself not prepared to face Yuki anymore, any kind of confidence leaving him. "Act like I was never here," he patted her head, then climbed up to the rim of the balcony. Yuki's steps were already on the stairs.  
  
::I'm so sorry:: he thought, jumping off the balcony, landing on his knees in the garden. He closed his eyes because of the sudden impact of the ground.  
  
"Shuichi!" Yuki called out, pulling Yuika away from the edge of the balcony and holding her, looking across the lawn where Shuichi had fallen just a few seconds ago.  
  
But Shuichi had already gone.  
  
"You're back," Yuki whispered, hugging the trembling Yuika closer. "You came back."  
  
"Dammit!" Shuichi said, slamming his fist against the window of the subway, going over to Hiro's to spend the night. He couldn't go home, too many neighbors and fans. Maiko he hadn't called in over three months, and suddenly appearing on her front doorsteps to spend the night would definitely get him on her bad side.  
  
::Why did I go back there? Why, why, WHY?:: "SOMEONE ANSWER ME!" his sudden outburst rewarded him with looks of amazement, some even with worry, and lots of muttering about delusional people, very disturbed childhood. "Crap."  
  
He stepped off, taking slow steps back to Hiro's place, hoping he didn't have some random bimbo from the streets spending the night as well. Lucky, he was alone.  
  
"Shuichi?" Hiro buzzed him up, opening the door for him and pouring him a cup of tea. It was already past six when he finally arrived. "Why aren't you at your parent's house?"  
  
Shuichi gave him that What-do-you-think? Stare, which was enough for Hiro to turn back and watch the News.  
  
"I went to his house," he confessed, looking down into the cup of steaming green liquid.  
  
"What was that?" Hiro turned back to face him, having not quite heard him.  
  
"I said I went to Yuki's."  
  
Neither of them said anything for a moment, both of them remaining that quiet for the rest of the evening, until Hiro decided he should go to bed and Shuichi could make himself comfortable anywhere.  
  
Shuichi thanked him, took the blankets and went to make himself cozy on the couch.  
  
"G'night," Hiro called from his room.  
  
The darkness around him made him feel cold, even if it was a warm summer's eve. It reminded him of being in a tomb, closed up from all humanity, locked away to remain alone, enveloped in utter silence for the rest of eternity.  
  
And the years have proved  
  
To offer nothing since you've moved  
  
You're long gone  
  
But I can't move on, And I miss you  
  
Shuichi awoke early Saturday, 2:30am. Too early for anything, yet wide awake for nothing. Shuichi sat up, rubbed his eyes, and was hit with a sudden force of loneliness.  
  
::I want to go back and see him:: he thought, finally allowing unshed tears to fall. ::I want to see him right now.::  
  
He quietly krept through Hiro's apartment, found a pencil and some paper, and wrote a quick thank-you.  
  
Sorry for Causing you so much trouble.  
  
You're the greatest, man. Thanks  
  
Shuichi  
  
He laid it on the couch, along with the re-folded blankets he had borrowed, and silently left the house of the dozing Hiro.  
  
The morning air was slightly damp, a little foggy even.  
  
Shuichi walked along the concrete sidewalk, making sure to keep close to lampposts. Just because he's gotten more stubborn, doesn't mean he's any better in defending himself.  
  
He hurried his steps, somehow amazingly making it to the subway in time to end up near Yuki's house. The rest of the morning seemed to pass in a daze, without much thought, just action.  
  
Step off the train  
  
Walking down your street again  
  
Past your door  
  
But you don't live there anymore  
  
3:00am. He found his way to the front doorsteps of Yuki's house. He had promised to never come back here, yet here he stood anyway, his fingers running across the smooth surface of the door. ::Where . . . here we go.:: He had kept the spare key Yuki had given him on a fastened necklace tucked underneath his shirt. Now he was grateful to have not stashed it at his parents' house.  
  
He swallowed once, twice, put the key in the lock and slowly turned, hearing the faint 'click' as the door became unlocked. Shuichi was very nervous now. There we still time to go back, return to the feeling of utter lonesome, or come back here, where he had only endured pain. ::But there were happy moments:: he thought in defense. And true enough, they did appear in his mind again, making his eyes water.  
  
Shuichi shook his head, pushed the door open and slid inside, gently closing the door behind him. He was doing his best trying not to make any floorboards squeak with the sudden weight.  
  
"It took you long enough", came a mesmerizing voice out of the shadows. Shuichi caught his breath, having not expected anyone to be awake as well.  
  
Yuki came up behind him, touched his neck with this lips, his arms finding their way around his silhouette.  
  
Shuichi trembled under the touch, trembled at the memories, at the hopes all arising within him at once. "Yuki", he breathed, sighing as well as he could suddenly rest against him.  
  
"Don't say a single word." Yuki continued to nuzzle his neck, turned him around to face him, then caught his lips in a heart-breaking tender kiss. "I've missed you very much," he admitted, then held him tight, not letting him get away again. This time he would keep him, this time he would make Shuichi his. This time, he could tell him he loved him. Maybe.  
  
And I miss you  
  
Like the deserts miss the rain  
  
And I miss you  
  
Like the deserts miss the rain  
  
A/N: Finally I found a song that could work, though sometimes it seemed there were parts of it that didn't quite fit. But hey I tried, so any criticism, compliments, random ranting are allowed. And I think I will have one last chapter, then that's it for this thing. This was odd enough for me to write. Until next time!  
  
C.S. 


	4. Death Night Prayers

**_

* * *

I will wait for you_**

**A/N:** Yes, the fourth and supposedly concluding chapter for this little jig. But once again, in the end, you as the readers and fans and aquaintances and royals and pen-pals and whatever else I can associate you with, are given the option. So just read the ridiculously long **A/N** at the end, okay?

**Disclaimer:** Consider this an '_**ECHO**, Echo, echo. . ._' from previous chapters. Not japanese still attending school = me not being the author. Woah, I just did math in a fic! Must education haunt me so?! Does it despise that much to not only fail, but stalk me as well?! Oh, the horror, the horror!

Oh, and I don't own '_The Rasmus'_, though I do own their first CD, which I got last year for my b-day! Yay!

Anyway, from Yuki's point somewhat this time. Ooh, scary, scary.

* * *

**_Chapter 4- Dead Night Prayers_**

* * *

_**I dumped you again**_

_**I don't understand**_

_**It's happened before**_

_**Can't take it no more**_

* * *

Six months after having returned, Shuichi was already sitting in front of Yuki's doorstep, pleading to come back into the house. 

Once he had moved in with Yuki, he had found out that Yuika wasn't Yuki's daughter and had nearly fainted with the relief, but he still cried as Mika came to pick her up again. She had said Tatsuha would be watching her now, that her and Tohma still had some issues to clear.

Without having to worry about waking Yuika at night, Yuki had endlessly made Shuichi cry out in pleasure, making him plead, tremble, scream for more, for Yuki to have his way with him. He had been gentle, caring, caressing, had actually missed a deadline just to hold Shuichi close, which certainly wouldn't have happened under normal circumstances. Though he still had an edged tongue with words, the harshness in Yuki's voice had faded over the past years.

But now, they were back to the same routine of throwing Shuichi out after setting the kitchen on fire, again.

"I'm sorry, Yuki!" Shuichi sobbed, his hands aching from having continuously beaten his fists against the wooden door. "Please! I really didn't mean to!" It's true, he had only wanted to surprise Yuki with breakfast in bed, regretfully having mixed the white wine up with oil. Leaning his forehead against the cool solidity of the door, his face streaked with tears, Shuichi quietly cursed himself, hated himself for having been reduced to a wailing mop yet again.

He had learned to be strong without Yuki, yet here he was, sniveling and whimpering, begging and pleading to come back.

* * *

Yuki had firmly placed his back against the door, willing the boy to go away. The pounding had finally ceased much to his relief. Each knock tore him a little more on the inside, making his resolve to keep him away weaken more. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his head hanging down as he heard Shuichi crying before his doorstep yet again. "I'm so sorry."

Yuki had thanked fortune for an open opportunity to get Shuichi out of the house. He really didn't want to make him leave, but couldn't let him back inside. Not now, not ever again. He knew he had to protect what he loved.

And he loved was Shuichi.

* * *

**_These foolish games_**

**_Always end up in confusion_**

**_I'll take you back_**

**_Just to hurt you once again_**

* * *

Shuichi started walking towards Hiro's new apartment once he figured Yuki had probably gone up into his study to start writing again. It had begun to rain shortly after he passed through the gates, drenching him within moments as he stood under the open sky. 

He had to continue at a slower pace, the running through the cold midwinter air easily burning his lungs, his wet face being cut with the invisible frozen blades in the wind, the chills making him gasp for air every few minutes. All he wore were some jeans and a POLO Sweatshirt. His hands were red and numb from the cold, but he managed to hold the doorbell down until Hiro finally answered after the fifth try.

"Hello?" his voice was horribly static, but it was unmistakably his.

"Hiro, please let me in." Shuichi felt like he would shiver himself to pieces if he stayed outside any longer, a slow burning sensation creeping up his neck.

"_SHUICHI?!"_ Immediately the door was flung open and Hiro stood there in person, clothed in a muscle shirt and jeans. "What are you doing here?" he cried in disbelief, looking the drenched Shuichi up and down, his clothes clinging to him and his hands and face red and raw from the frigid weather. "Get in here! You'll catch your death!" Hiro moved aside, pulling Shuichi in by his sleeve.

"Hiro," Shuichi's vision was wavering as he struggled to ward off the darkness. "I-" His world swirled around him, collapsing on the doorstep as once he couldn't find the rope he could hold on to. It was gone.

"Shuichi. . . ?" Hiro's voice seemed so distant, as if it as well never truly existed. The fear and worry that clung to it faded into nothingness as well. It was the last sound he heard until he surrendered himself to the shadows, allowing the unnatural heat to flood through him, taking his breath away.

_'Yuki. . .'_

* * *

**_I died in my dreams_**

**_What's that supposed to mean?_**

**_Got lost in the fire_**

**_I died in my dreams_**

**_Reaching out for your hand_**

**_My fatal desire_**

* * *

**A/N:** He's dead I tell you, Dead! 

Wouldn't you kill me if that were all? Continuing. . .

* * *

A sudden pang awoke Yuki from his sleep, fear and loneliness gripping him on the inside. Just as quickly, it faded away. Worry was his first emotion. 

"Shu?" He looked around unsure, then remembered that he had kicked him out. He sighed, relief filling him only partially, but his other longed for the younger man. Yuki felt cold, his arms were empty without him, and it hurt. Every time he turned around, there was something to remind him of the punk. Officially, he really was a punk now, Yuki mused to himself, allowing a twitch on his lips to rise into a half-smile.

_'Even so, it's better this way',_ he thought, even though the silence seemed to start weighing down around him. He was a bit of a danger to Shuichi at the moment, whenever he came close to him, kissed and stroked him, there was always a silent danger lurking near and he didn't want to expose him any longer.

As if on queue, an immediate coughing fit followed that little inclination as if to be acknowledged. His chest felt like a hole would burn through the front any moment. _'He can't come back'_, he silently prayed, something he never did before._ 'Please'_, he whispered, _'don't let him come back_.'

Without meaning to, he suddenly burst out in mirthless laughter when he realized. _'So, this is what a heart-ache feels like.'_

* * *

_'Yuki...'_

It was the first and last thought that passed through his mind. Shuichi stirred slightly, a wet weight on in forehead. "Mhm?"

"So, you're finally awake." Hiro was sitting opposite him, setting down two cups steaming with green tea. "You had me worried back there, Shu-chan." He smiled, but that same carelessness didn't reach his eyes. "Three days out cold, and the only thing to prove you living was your above-average temperature."

Shuichi allowed his eyes to flutter until they adjusted to the light, though he was quite content just laying there, surrounded by delicious warmth.

Surrounding. Warmth. His warmth. "Yuki?" Shuichi shot up as if all seven hells were after him. He looked around, recognizing it all, but none was what he longed for, what he wanted to see.

"Yuki?" Hiro frowned as he sipped his tea, closing his eyes to hide his unrecognized frustration. "You were calling out to him," he admitted, still not looking into his eyes, "but he isn't around here. Isn't that where you came from?"

Shuichi's head throbbed with the effort to remember, his eyes watering. "I-"

"Damn it, Shuichi! Don't you think this hurts me as well?" Hiro shouted, his cup landing a little too hard on the table between them, spilling tea onto the polished wood. "You think I don't mind every time you come here, both eyes and nose dripping?" His pent-up frustration was let out now.

"Hiro?" he whispered, anxiety welling within him.

* * *

**_I failed you again_**

**_'cause I let you stay_**

**_I used to pretend_**

**_That I felt okay_**

* * *

"Hiro! No, please don't!"

"I'm sorry, Shuichi, but I have to do this."

"Please no!" he cried, grabbing Hiro by his shirt to stop him. "Please, I'm begging you!"

Hiro had stridden to the telephone, calling up Maiko for her to shower her own fury down upon Shuichi's head._ (A/N: Ha! Fooled you all!)_ "Maiko's just as worried about you as I am", he said, punching the number in, hoping he remembered it correctly. "I promised her I would call the next time you showed up, anyway."

"But-but I-" Shuichi was at a loss for words, unprepared for what was actually happening instead of what he had expected. But the longer he stood there, watching Hiro argue back and forth with his little sister over the phone, an aching began to well inside his heart. As if he could feel Yuki's sudden pain.

Sneezing, he wasn't sure if it was because of his cold, or because someone was talking about him, not including those in front of him. But he knew he wanted to retreat back into Yuki's embrace, not caring how tender or how brutal his touch would be. He longed for him, just as much as the other did.

Gathering himself together, going against his best conscience, Shuichi stormed out of Hiro's apartment, ignoring the futile calls after him.

Slowly his ache turned to worry, and that worry turned to fear.

He needed to know Yuki was all right.

* * *

**_Just one big lie_**

**_Such a perfect illusion_**

**_I made you mine_**

**_Just to hurt you once again_**

* * *

The doorbell chimed endlessly.

"Shut up!" Yuki grumbled from the couch, having slept there after not making it quite back up the stairs. It had grown worse the doctor had said, talking about not having long now, that it was growing faster then what they had estimated it to grow. Yuki had fought with himself not to strangle the medic right then and there. He couldn't bear the image of Shuichi standing above him dressed in black, his face tear-streaked and eyes red, clutching a bouquet of white lilies.

Gathering what little restored strength he had, Yuki struggled to his feet and slowly dragged himself to the door.

_'It had better not be Tohma'_, he thought bitterly, a strange thirst for his blood _(A/N: as in murder!)_ implanted within him from somewhere. As he opened the door, Yuki regretted having not hoped it _would_ be his brother-in-law who would come bother him.

"Yuki. . .?" Shuichi was shivering, though much to his relief it had stopped raining, a light snow descending around him.

Yuki didn't at first respond, just standing in the doorway and staring at him. Shuichi's cheeks were tinged a pale rose, his lips parted and slightly chapped, but the snow falling onto his contrasting hair made the white seem like a faint glow that surrounded his young lover.

* * *

**_I died in my dreams_**

**_What's that supposed to mean?_**

**_Got lost in the fire_**

* * *

Yuki rushed out into the cold, wearing little more than his own black pants and a muscle shirt, embracing the smaller man as if to crush his bones. "Baka," he whispered against his cheek, savoring the warmth that emitted from Shuichi's body, chasing his own frigid winter from his soul if not his body. _'You shouldn't have come back.'_

"Yuki," Shuichi sighed in a content voice, his temperature lowering as he rested his head against Yuki's bare shoulder, entwining his fingers into the front of his shirt, reassuring himself that he wasn't some kind of teasing figment from his deepest wishes and longings. "Yuki, you're here." His eyes drifted closed as if to fall asleep.

_'You're back'_, he thought miserably, _'you shouldn't have come back.'_ "I will always be here", he murmured, kissing Shuichi's forehead gently, his skin scorching Yuki's cold lips. "I won't have the strength to make you leave again," he warned, leaning against the wall and taking Shuichi down with him. "I won't let you leave again."

* * *

**_I died in my dreams_**

**_Reaching out for your hand_**

**_My fatal desire_**

* * *

Shuichi never heard what he said, never would hear what he had said. He had lost himself in Yuki's protective embrace, his hands never loosening their grip on the front of his shirt.

_'Yuki. . .'_

* * *

**What is love if not unconditional. . .?**

* * *

**_FIN???_**

**A/N:** Is this the end?! . . . Actually, it's really up to you guys. I mean, I could give you two optional endings, in which, regretfully, one or the other dies. Or else I can conclude this as the ending, in which Shuichi _'bum bum bum'_ is asleep. Hee! I bet you thought I was going to say 'dead', didn't you? Well, I actually did picture him dead, but somehow I have the feeling that would guarantee me an early grave, wouldn't you agree? And that last sentence really has no significant meaning, I just thought **'Hey! Groovy!'** Not really, but whatever. Is this the end, or shall more weeping commence? That sounds mean. . . sorry! Didn't mean it that way! Wait, if this continues, then that means...NOOO!! I want to retire from this story, do you hear me?! **_I want to retire! _**

Tissue-boxes with hearts and bears imprints for all!

**_C.S._**


End file.
